Not with a Fizzle, but with a BANG!!!

So I've been to myself for the passed few days. I have taken this chance and opportunity to take time for myself; process and reflect everything that went on this year... something I tend to do every year like most people would do.

I realize I didn't accomplish as much as I hoped and desired before the year was up. However I did accomplish things I had no intention of getting done... So I guess I can't really complain.

One of those things that weren't accomplished was my art. I couldn't figure out why... I kept blaming my job, but that wasn't the case. I just wasn't feeling the motivation after i started working. I started out the year great, having 4-5 art shows like being featured in exhibitions such as the 'Cirque de Boobles' in Baltimore, Maryland and 'Dolls of Lisbon' in Lisbon, Portugal. And a few local shows such as 'Artificial' and 'Candy Pop'.
I was on a roll, but once I started working, so many art ideas kept coming in but nothing was being done. I kept setting goals but that wouldn't work out. I was too busy hanging with friends or playing video games or watching movies.
it's funny how the things I love doing doesn't bring in money or enough money, but working as a dishwasher and chef's assistant is helping me pay some bills.

Another thing I didn't accomplish was maintaining a diet or even just working out.
I was on a protocol diet for 3 months and I manage to drop from 264 lbs (March) to 215 lbs (July) went to the gym from July til September... and that was it... again, I started working. and in a few short months I went from 215 to 245 lbs (December)
That's what happens when u work at a Bar/Restaurant... all the food and booze at sight. It's totally not cool! I feel completely miserable and unattractive. After realizing this I decided t just cut down on certain things... has it helped? Not really cuz I just started but let's see what happens.

I've also been experience a sense of loneliness.
Did I bring it upon myself? Maybe, maybe not.
Part of me feels like I'm just being dramatic, but no... i do get lonely and that's where the eating and gaming comes in. And all this time i've been blaming my job.
I've known this for awhile but I just really need to plan out my schedule and manage my time a lot better.

Especially for the upcoming 2011...
Although I wasn't able to produce new projects I was still thinking of ideas. I have painting projects that I wanna do and I'm also in the process of gathering materials for my first graphic novel... an origin project for DMBB, the working title is "DanMan & BertoBoy: Memoirs of a Gay Sidekick" I doubt it would be done and completed by 2011 but I'd like to have a rough draft of the project done. Not to speak for Danny, but I believe he's planning a "DanMan & BertoBoy: Begins" graphic novel soon. so it would be great to see us produce our own origin story.

I've been completely inspired by graphic novels i've read this year, such as the 'Scott Pilgrim' series, 'Lost at Sea' and 'Pedro & Me: friendship, loss and what i've learned'. Music from Robyn, Katy Perry and Brandon Boyd and movie's such as Batman:Under the Red Hood, Easy A, Shelter, Pedro, Despicable Me and a few others have inspired me as well for this one project.

I'm gonna push for it, I'm gonna make it happen!

I'm gonna say that 2010 was a great year... there may have been some downfalls and shit like that but nobody ever says the year always goes perfectly.
I was able to get some exposure as an artist not only in New York, but in Baltimore and Internationally for the 2nd time (1st was back in 2008, 3 pieces were featured in a book).
I was able to lose weight and feel happy for myself... even though i gained some of it back, it's still good to know that I was able to do it and that I should not give up and let myself go like that again. I will eventually get back in the diet again when i'm ready.
As for being alone... within time, nuff said!

i'm looking forward to the new year... Gonna celebrate with my family! Then i'm taking myself a mini vacation to see the wizard of baltimore on the second week of january. and in february im gonna dance real hard with mom and Robyn at Radio City Music Hall. OH and I'm gonna be a GOD-DADDY and an UNCLE!!! LOL... what else?? I guess we will have to wait an see...
So with all this out of my chest I'm ready to end this year...
Not with a Fizzle, but with a BANG!!!